Provocative Lookbook #3: Here
A bathtub in Ballard and defining my presence in Portland
Want to start at the beginning?
Sure, during the fall of 2021, I realized that I was kind of hot and very overwhelmed with the attention I received on dating apps, but I soon realized I was just a shiny horse on a carousel with men hoping for a ticket. Sure, they had their favorites, like the dark femme with tiger energy they thought they could handle or the girl-next-door type adorned with a crown of wildflowers, but, to be honest, most would take a spot anywhere and would immediately head to the back of the line after a turn to try a different, intriguing animal.
With their sticky fingers, waving to onlookers.
There were three stand-out suitors during this time in the beginning of my open dating years. I will be brief because my memoir is for this kind of recounting, but my lookbooks focus on my growth in confidence.
Before dating apps, I perused Reddit boards in the ENM/open community. I started talking to a dad in West Seattle. He was sweet, a gentleman, and eloquent with his words. I had an errand to run in Seattle and we met up.
I liked him, but he was heavily smitten. Like obsessively smitten. It spooked me. I felt smothered.
I moved onto a very different personality type, former military guy in Everett. We bantered really well. He was kind of cocky. We met for coffee in the Ballard neighborhood of Seattle. We were intimate, but I knew I wasn’t up for it again. He kind of abandoned me after that, but he apologized as I was headed for the airport and asked to see me again and again and again. I wasn’t interested.
But let’s back up.