The Fracture: February 2024, Part 1
Why America's single, "Flying Visits," and The Courage to be Disliked
Welcome to one of my favorite posts I publish regularly, The Fracture! Haven’t figured out my categories yet? Here’s a brief run through:
The First Cut - These pieces are my new, odd, dicey pieces. Rejections that haven’t found a home, but I couldn’t help sharing. Stories that are only available here on my Substack.
The Cavity - Here you’ll find my previously published work from other sites (after rights have reverted back to me), so you can catch up. Oftentimes I may edit them a bit.
The Gnawing - Posts about writing, life, and joyful venting. The random that I just need to chew on.
The Fracture - A fun bi-monthly rundown of what inspired me lately (links to articles, music, art, and random interactions).
Let’s get started…
The links
“A Big Reason So Many Americans Are Still Single,” Kara Alaimo’s opinion piece (I use “piece” a lot in these posts) for CNN, reminds us of what we already know, but hopefully, we don’t ignore it. Dating apps just don’t work. Sure, you have that friend, but that seems to be the minority now. Alaimo states what happens when we’re given so many damn options:
“… when people are overwhelmed by choices, they respond by not choosing any of them. Dating sites give people the impression of having loads of options because there always seems to be another person to swipe on. When people think they can easily find another romantic partner, they view the one they have less positively, are less committed to them and are more likely to break up with them.”
Dating apps are meant to be a revolving door. When I was on Tinder and Bumble, I specifically had “ethical nonmonogamy” in my profile, but men with “seeking a relationship/marriage” would constantly reach out. I actually just deleted my Feeld profile because it’s worse in the ENM/poly world. I actually had one guy say to me: “My wife and I already have a regular girlfriend, so I’m looking for someone for me. But I’m kind of lazy lol and want someone who can carry the conversation.”
Yuck. No thanks.
Especially for those looking for monogamous relationships, I can’t blame you for being patient and picky.
In another opinion essay, Rhaina Cohen reminds us in “The Key to a Happy, Stable Marriage” that your spouse should not be your “everything”:
“Now movies, songs and books tell us that a spouse should be not just your greatest love but your “everything,” as the Michael Bublé song goes — your confidant, soul mate and best friend. It’s only in recent years that we’ve come to understand just how harmful this kind of approach can be. Sociologists have found that married people have weaker relationships with neighbors, relatives and friends than single people do. We end up undermining romantic relationships by expecting too much and weakening friendships by expecting too little.”
Almost two decades in, I wish someone would have told my husband and I this sooner. It would have brought expectations to more reasonable levels.
I love being in the PNW, but I’m originally an East Coast girl, so this interactive look of the Eastern Seaboard in “The East Coast is Sinking” made me pause. Why is this happening? Overpumping groundwater.
The music
I’m a sucker for emotional heartbreak and surrender, and Ferris & Sylvester bring a longing that criminally lingers with “Flying Visit.” If you like this one, listen to “I Should Be on a Train,” or what happens when we know the visit should be over.
Do you wanna see something?
How high I've climbed since the last time
I can do some new things
Come see what I've done with my kick drum
Please don't leave me down here on my own
Please don't leave me out here
So what do we do after a heartbreak? Rebound with a mysterious stranger, right?! But in our minds, only because there’s a REAL connection. (Humans are hilarious.)
But let’s go there with Hindi Zahra’s “Beautiful Tango (Unplugged).” (Yes, it needs to be the unplugged version. Trust me.)
Beautiful stranger, take me by the hand
Make me dance all night
I wanna take the chance
I love the way you move
And the way you put your hands on my hips
Are moving while you take it slow
Makes me feel like I'm on a river flow
Cause we've got time
And yes we've got time
Enough of this. Let’s wake up from this fairy tale with Fat Boy Slim’s remix of “Body Movin’” by Beastie Boys. High school + MTV = a crush on Mike D.
Puttin' bodies in motion 'cause I got the notion
Like Roy Cormier with the coconut lotion
The sound of the music makin' you insane
You can't explain to people this type of mind frame
The art
I’m drawn to bold erotic art (this is your content warning), so I started this section for The Fracture.
Relm Artist’s pieces are glorious with witty hidden messages and faces expressing pure pleasure. Her “Lovenotes” piece has got me giddy, and “He loves me not” is just beautifully tragic. “Mother of Pearl” shows where to find true treasure.
The random
Gwen Stefani's Can't Stop Staring > Tarte's Eyes Camera Lashes.
I sat in a class this week that our other trainer was leading. He had a Spotify playlist going softly in the background. Toward the end of the class, a song associated with a person from my past started playing. Yeah, didn't like that. Lost focus. I actually considered standing up, walking over to the computer, skipping the song, offering a "nothing to see here" smile, and sitting back down.
But no, I just let that Talking Heads song wash me in discomfort.
Just started The Courage to be Disliked by Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga while Doe Eyes the Fierce did her gymnastics. Eye opening reminders.
The sun shining from behind on my commute home. Like it's saying "You did good today."