The Fracture: July 2024
Handling the meanies (just don't), more Radiohead, and more books I DNF
A lot of reckoning and fusing this month. Coming to terms and learning to move on. Very much looking forward to ushering in August and the unofficial end of summer.
The articles
On her Substack, Rebecca Woolf talks about how singles are just giving up on dating and focusing on solo pursuits or platonic camaraderie. I can definitely understand, and it’s probably why I currently see myself as “monogamish.”
When my piece for HuffPost went live, I didn’t know what to expect, but I knew one thing for sure: I wasn’t going to read the comments. When Yahoo picked it up, the temptation wasn’t even there. (As of today, my piece has over 2,000 comments on that site.) I had sweet friends report inappropriate and mean comments, but I told them I didn’t want to know. A few weeks ago, a growth-seeking, beautiful woman was trying with all her might to respond to comments on her HuffPost piece and defend herself, and I felt embarrassed for her. It’s a losing battle, especially on those larger forums where you can’t delete comments and just get sucked into the cycle of reporting abuse or malicious replies. Melina Delkic reports on how other creators handle the meanies.
Three Women by Lisa Taddeo was one of the last few books that gutted me and made me feel unfurled, and now we’re probably going to fuck it up as a series on Starz… Starz?! Read about it and watch the trailer here.
A listing of someone’s best Tame Impala songs. I obviously disagree. My own list is forthcoming.
My husband sent this one to me: “Bisexual women exhibit more male-like dark personality traits and sexual tendencies.” No comment.
More stories about how religious organizations forced assimilation and abused Indigenous children in New Zealand and here in the U.S. Yes, please define what “chart(ing) a road to healing” means. I am by no means an expert on this topic, but as someone who works for a tribal entity, I know this injustice has contributed to generational trauma with far-reaching effects.
(Insert odd transition here which is representative of how we all usually do life.)
The music
“Everything In Its Right Place” - Radiohead
Such a great song, and I got hit with it again when I saw a commercial for The Creator during the Olympics. Then I encountered the mashup of this song with Kendrick Lamar’s “N95,” and wow. I play the Radiohead original on repeat when I need to go to far places in my writing abyss.
There are two colors in my head
There are two colors in my head
What, what is that you tried to say?
What, what was that you tried to say?
“Starlight” - The Supermen Lovers (ft. Mani Hoffman)
Just a fun escape. The intro beckons your attention, and then it moves into a chill disco romp. It pushes me to keep going and going and going.
I see
(Will see) My dream
(Your dream) For real
(Come true)
(You) I will
(Will rise) Will rise
(Above) Above
(The rules)
The books
Open by Rachel Krantz. DNF... after less than 10 minutes. I was looking forward to hearing about the reality of ENM and connecting with another women's story about its momentary highs and still-present patriarchal lows. Unfortunately, as Publisher's Weekly states "it can be difficult to parse her vulnerability from artifice" since, as an investigative journalist, she "obsessively documented" her encounters. And it showed early on. I felt like she was reading from a cookbook. Upon learning the events occurred in her late 20s with no children in her introductory "Author's Note," I didn't find her story particularly bold considering my journey. (What are the risks? Her experiences seem like a normal weekend for a lot of my younger cohorts. Sorry, not sorry. What was there to lose? As I've said, it's cute to be a “fleabag” in your 20s, but people get nervous when it happens in your 40s… and you’re still living in the small town where you were a pastor’s wife.) Molly Roden Winter's memoir was much more relatable to me.
All Fours by Miranda July... also DNF. I really wanted to like this, especially after reading some reviews, but I gave up a little over three hours in. I wanted to give the author cold meds or a sick day from reading her book. I was excited to hear this 45 year old woman talk about bold fucking and fantasy, but when I found out it was fiction (how do I keep missing these things?), I lost interest. Great descriptions, but not enough to see the remaining 70% through.
Almost two-thirds done with Polysecure and its accompanying workbook. With my therapist and this book, I feel like I’m better equipped for maybe eventually stepping back out there. I just need to stop self-sabotaging, offering escape routes, and be adamant in sticking firmly to what I would be looking for.
The art
You may have seen this on my IG. I bought this at a quirky store downtown. Don’t know who created the work. If you find out, let me know. She’s beautiful, isn’t she?
The random
Just because I’m bi/pan/queer doesn’t mean I am attracted to everyone. As mentioned above and verified by my husband, I’m notoriously picky. People’s imaginations are cute. (Another reason I would have never survived being “out” in church. Any nice gesture would have been seen as an attempt in spreading queer cooties.)
My oldest turns 16 in September and finally got his permit. Running out of time.
I need something natural to help me stay asleep.
I’m focused on my memoir, but sorting out my narrative arc has snagged me a bit. What is the climax in my story? A collection of vignettes? Many times memoirs just give an account about a season of life. When I read, I want to hold my breath, be invested in the repair, and understand the purpose for a writer’s journey. I want my story to force readers to appreciate the heartache.
I’m squeezing a short photo shoot-writer getaway at the very end of August. I’ll probably write the next edition of The Fracture from this very funky Airbnb. Excited to take some breath-taking pics and indulging in me. I should probably buy a new toy.
Oh, that picture of the off-brand Lego flowers? The rose was a gift and has a connection to family. “Daisy” was my name on dating apps when I first started out. Naïveté and excitement on full display. “Dahlia” was the one I later adopted, symbolizing inner strength. I also found out it represents betrayal and sadness. Explains a lot.
How is the summer treating you? How are you treating the summer? Let me know.
And if you haven’t, please fill out a short survey, so I can understand a little bit more about my readers. Thanks!