The Fracture: September 2023, Part 1

What broke me open in the name of inspiration and/or boredom

I need more plants in here.

Welcome to my favorites. You know the drill. These were the latest things to break me in memorable ways and will hopefully lead to some inspiration on the page. (Content warning: nude art.)

The links

I’m considering participating in NaNoWriMo this year. If you aren’t familiar with National Novel Writing Month, it’s a “competition” that gives anyone an opportunity to commit to writing a novel, more precisely 50,000 words, during the month of November. A few years back, I signed up and gave up less than a week in. Last year, we were given the option to write our novels for Novel Writing class throughout the semester or pre-plan/outline before starting our writing during NaNoWriMo as a participant. Uh, no. I prefer to avoid panic attacks, so I went with the semester route. I don’t have the pressure of a grade this time, but I recently gave myself the goal to finish my memoir manuscript by the end of the year.

So why not? That’s only 1,667 words a day in November. Sounds much easier than it actually is.

I came across this thread on X (still not used to that) from Saoirse Noelle about sex as a coping mechanism, especially for unresolved trauma. She does a great job discussing why sex is easily used as a bandage (hormones don’t help), how this can affect bonding, and lead to unhealthy patterns. Even though I’m analyzing why I am the way I am sexually on the rollercoaster of repression and indulgence through my life, I’ve never really thought of sex in this way. Thankfully, I see it now as freedom of expression and a way to be vulnerable when that’s not my norm. (As an enneagram 8, it reminds me of the joy of not having to be in control with consent and safety still paramount.) Grateful for her insight!

I don’t know why, but I’ve been intrigued by Greek goddesses lately. I’m extremely smitten by Mnemosyne, impregnated by Zeus on nine consecutive nights giving birth to the nine Muses. According to Riordan Wiki, this Titan goddess has "absolute control and divine authority over memories. She did this for the dead, allowing them to regain the memories of their past lives. She may even have domain over recorded images like video or photographs, objects of visual memory."

As a memoirist with a penchant for sexy photos (see below), I'm drawn to her.

Valeria Ko Art released small A4-size prints, starting at $29. I’m looking for something to replace this area here in The Foxhole.

The music

This beauty popped onto my YouTube Music stream (big fan of YT Premium–no ads for music AND videos) during one of my early morning runs. Then I got hit by the jazz version… holy cowza! So here’s both. Which one do you like better?

INJI - “Gaslight”

So many great lines:

Leak his photos naked

Lil’ bitch thinks his dick’s gold-plated

…

He was looking at me like wow

Dior on my body, I drip and drown

…

So he says, “I heard you’re a singer”

“I live in a penthouse, it’s on the East Side”

I can tell what he implied

I don’t trust my decisions I make after midnight

The random

Last week at burlesque, we did a routine with a chair, and it was the first time I said, "I can actually do this." So fun with Lo-Fang’s “Boris” and a sudden drop!

I’m back in braces. After the disaster of budget at-home aligners (not smiling), I’m in Invisalign with elastics. Very fun. Bound but not fully.

I’ve enjoyed productive mornings where writing is robust and intentional. Reading aloud has so much power. After bouncing between my intro and chapter one, I forced myself to finish my introduction. It sounds ridiculous because it’s not even the official start of the book, but as I read it out loud, I couldn’t stop smiling. Note to self: stay in this mindset!

Photos. I try to do some every other month. The rush and endorphins! It’s truly a hobby of mine. When I have a beautiful backdrop like at an Airbnb, I get giddy, but sometimes you must move the living room furniture and shoot before the kids get home from school. A few of my faves:

I always have more risqué ones, but that's for inner circle only.

I have a new job that I start at the end of the month. Must stay diligent in my writing. I’m big on goals, but I think I’m going to need some positive reinforcement. 😬